Pages

Friday, July 23, 2010

"I will destroy you!"

Well, as I promised, it's today's dose of our children humiliating us in public.  I apologize to my Facebook friends, they already know the punchline.


Recently our family joined a new church.  We went through the three week class and were to be introduced to the church on Sunday.  Macho Man was out of town when the class was initiated, so we had to do it on our own two weeks later.


We had been encouraged to bring the kids up so that the church could 'meet' the whole family.  My first thought was "NO WAY", but my inherent and misguided optimism wore me down.  I realized it had been a mistake as soon as the service started and the REST of the sanctuary quieted down.  We used every trick in the book to keep the kids relatively entertained for the 15 minutes or so until we were up.  They were not quiet, but they stayed in the pew- and hey- we take our successes where we find them.  FINALLY it's our turn, we're thinking it's downhill from here.


But we take the hymnal away from Lil' Bit as we leave the pew and she starts to whimper.  Blue Eyes doesn't want us to take the iPhone away- he's busy blasting aliens.  Guns is lying in wait.


By the time the pastor starts asking us all the swear-in questions with his microphone, Lil' Bit is screaming "Give me my book baaaaaack!!!!!!!" repeatedly and trying to arch her way out of my grasp.


Macho Man is holding Guns when suddenly he scrunches up his face and points.  He's seen the associate pastor in his robes holding some sort of ceremonial gold-cross-on-a-pole thingy.  Well, in his limited 2 years of experience he assumes it must be a bad guy with some sort of weapon and shrieks:


"I WILL DESTROY YOU!!"


When the pastor doesn't respond Guns puts him in his place again.  You know, in case he didn't get the message the first time.


"I WILL DESTROY YOU!!!"


By this time the congregation is a mixture of half laughing (have kids) and half shocked (didn't have kids).  Macho Man and I were mortified.  Especially Macho Man, as you can imagine.

No comments:

Post a Comment