Dear Dirty Mistress

To the dirty, selfish mistress that is controlling my husband....again...  


I am not happy you are back in my life.  I'll never forget the first time you reared your head.  I was a newlywed and in the throes of married bliss when all the sudden you invade my marriage; you even have the audacity of invading my home.  My bed, no less.  My new husband went from a sweet, adoring, lovely man to a raging, psychotic freak.  To say that my new husband  was acting out of character would be a gross understatement.  The screaming, swearing, pacing and throwing of household objects was completely out of control.  I'm asking myself, "what have I gotten myself into?!?"  He was a newlywed, for crying out loud, and suddenly didn't even want to look at me.  I'm not kidding, I could have stood in front of him stark naked and he would more likely than not ask me to move out of the way.  I was suddenly starting to understand that I was not the sun of his solar system as I had so recently believed.  


You left for awhile, and there were others that caught his eye- true- but for the most part he returned to his role as dutiful husband.  Promises were made that he would not allow himself to be sucked in like that again.  "I swear I don't care about (her) at all anymore.  I'm over (her)"  he said.  We discussed his realization that he had made the heinous error of staking his happiness on short lived pleasure.  He even acknowledged that your relationship was painful more often than pleasurable.  He was like a junkie chasing the unattainable high.  He would become enthralled by you, obsessed by you, wanting to see you all the time and thinking about you non-stop when you were not available...and then you would inevitably bring him crashing down with disappointment.  


I was beginning to truly understand your power.  


You have never truly left.  There have been long stretches of time where there has been peace in my home, only for the tension to rise once again when you begin to draw near.  Every time it happens, I hope this time will be easier.  Perhaps with some maturity my husband will have finally learned to distance himself.  Every time, I am disappointed.  


I've made some effort to share him with you.  I've tried to become interested in you, to try to understand the appeal.  I thought, perhaps if I can see what draws my husband to you so strongly, I can share in that experience.  However, I've finally accepted that I am just really not very attracted to you.  Even if I'd like to, I just can't swing that way.  I've also noticed that you aren't very willing to share him. You really are a selfish, jealous, and possessive harpy.  


Who do you think you are, getting your hooks into MY husband that way?  Don't you care at all that he should really be spending that time with his children?  His family?  Oh, that's right, you've brainwashed him.  You've got him believing that the children should spend time with him AND you.  I can already see the writing on the wall.  He wants my children to love you too.  Are you kidding me?  Just leave their natural born mother out in the cold.  Soon I'll be the only one who see you for what you really are.  


You're like a Siren of Greek Mythology.  You want to lure men in with your beautiful appeal and then emotionally wreck them on your rocky shores.  You are a succubus.  You sell euphoria to these men, but can actually lead to a serious deterioration of their mental and, sometimes, physical health.  


Yes, I said "men" as in plural.  You are such a dirty trollup you've been with almost every man I know.  I know for sure you've done the same to my brother as well.  Seriously?  You must be the Supreme Slut of Whore Island.  You make them all love you, but you love none of them.  


You know, I'm not going to protect your identity.  The world should know who it is making all of these otherwise good men act like crazy mental patients.  Other girls with dreams of happy endings should know exactly what they are getting into.  You want everyone to think  you're as wholesome as apple pie, but I know the truth.  You're a big fat homewrecker.  I'm going to spread the word.    


College Football, you are such a bitch.  Give me my husband back!